Pros, Cons, and Other Romantic Instruments
Published:
There is a point at which an emotion becomes sufficiently confusing that the sensible person reaches for paper.
On one side: advantages.
On the other: disadvantages.
This looks responsible. The page is calm, the handwriting is measurable, and the person causing all the trouble is temporarily reduced to a collection of items that can be examined without having to look them in the eye.
The trouble begins when the arithmetic refuses to work.
One advantage is not equal to another advantage. One fear can outweigh five good qualities. A small habit becomes enormous after repetition, while something that looked essential on paper turns out not to matter at all. Soon the list has categories, exceptions, revised weights, and the beginning of what could become a respectable administrative department.
At that point, I had a simple theory: if you are trying this hard to calculate whether you are in love, you probably are.
It was not a scientific result. It was more like noticing that indifference rarely requires a spreadsheet.
The list might still tell you whether a relationship is sensible. It might reveal something you are avoiding or something you should take seriously. But it cannot perform the feeling for you.
That was the ridiculous part.
The person was already inside the problem.
The paper was pretending to stand outside it.