The Art Of Self-Talk

We all speak to ourselves. Most of the conversation is silent. A mistake happens and a sentence appears immediately. “That was stupid.” “You always do this.”

“You will never understand.” If another person spoke to us this way every day, we would probably avoid them. Yet we can accept the same tone from ourselves without noticing. I do not believe positive self-talk means pretending everything is wonderful. Sometimes things are difficult.

Sometimes we really made a bad decision. A useful inner voice should be honest, not artificial. Instead of “I am terrible at this,” we can say, “I do not understand this yet.” Instead of “Everything is ruined,” we can ask, “What is the next thing I can repair?” The difference looks small, but language changes the shape of a problem.

A permanent judgment closes the door. A temporary description leaves some space.

I also think our inner voice is partly borrowed. Parents, teachers, friends, and past experiences leave phrases in us.

Some are helpful. Some should probably be returned. Learning to notice self-talk is not about becoming endlessly positive. It is about becoming a fairer person to live with. And we live with ourselves all the time.